When Justin Stewart started his career, he found himself juggling several jobs to make ends meet. His day would begin at 3 a.m., working as a news show production assistant until noon, and then he would rush off to work another job at an airport or a big box store. Sometimes, he would sleep in his car between jobs. Eventually, all of this led to exhaustion, and he was hospitalized due to both exhaustion and a staph infection.
While people around him praised his hustle, Justin soon realized that something needed to change. The doctor told him, “You’re too young to be this stressed. You’re going to have to quit something.” This moment marked the beginning of a new chapter in his life, where he learned to set boundaries. He gave up his side jobs, realizing he could survive without the extra income. When colleagues from the news show reached out after hours, he let them know that he was off-duty.
Setting boundaries is often a tricky task, especially in work environments. Many people find it hard to say no, especially to their managers. Some feel a sense of satisfaction in being needed, while others want to please people. But experts agree that learning to say no is essential for protecting our health, both physically and mentally. And just like any new skill, setting boundaries becomes easier with practice.
According to Bobby Dutton, the founder of event production company GBM6, one of the best ways to take control of your time is to schedule your day aggressively. This technique may seem counterintuitive, but by being intentional with your calendar, you can make sure your time is well-organized.
Dutton schedules the tasks he’s most likely to procrastinate on, like handling contracts and invoices, for every Monday at 2 p.m. He also includes routine tasks like making coffee, walking the dog, and having lunch to ensure his schedule is balanced.
Sometimes, saying no becomes easier if you write down what you want to say beforehand. Justin Stewart, for example, practiced responses like, “Hey, this is a lot for me,” when his workload became overwhelming.
He also used phrases like, “You gave me seven stories, but I think I can manage four or five.” According to Cara Houser, a workplace engagement coach, you don’t have to explain yourself when declining a request. A simple “I’m not available at this time, but thanks for asking” is enough. If the person insists, you can always say, “I hear you, but I’ve made my decision for today.”
Amber Krasinski, an entrepreneur and founder of marketing company IvyHill Strategies, grew up in an environment where saying no to a boss was almost unthinkable. But over time, she learned to use the phrase “Not yet” when she needed to turn down an additional project. For her, this phrase has helped her maintain a healthy balance between work and personal life.
Recognizing your limits is another crucial aspect of setting boundaries. It’s tempting to agree to every request that comes your way, but sometimes, it’s better to take a step back and assess whether you can realistically take on more work.
Israa Nasir, a psychotherapist, suggests taking a few minutes to consider your workload, energy levels, and priorities before accepting a new task. Nasir recalls how a former boss used to send work-related texts at 10 p.m. on weekends, which made her feel overwhelmed. Instead of refusing to answer, she suggested, “Can we check in on Fridays before the weekend so I can plan my time better?”
Paying attention to activities that drain your energy or leave you feeling overwhelmed is another effective way to manage your boundaries. Nasir advises creating a “No List” to help you recognize what types of events or tasks you should avoid. The idea isn’t to say no every time but to avoid agreeing immediately. Giving yourself time to assess the situation can help you make a decision that is in your best interest.
Technology plays a huge role in how we manage our time and work, especially with mobile devices, which makes it easier to work from anywhere. However, it also makes it harder to set boundaries.
Israa Nasir, for example, noticed she was checking her email too frequently over the weekend, so she moved the Gmail app on her phone to a second page, making it less accessible.
Similarly, adding a simple “Well-Being Notice” at the bottom of your emails, as Candice Pokk does, can help set expectations for when you are available. Pokk’s email signature reads, “Receiving this email outside normal working hours? Managing a work-life balance is unique for everyone. Please respond at a time that works for you.”
Meetings are another area where setting boundaries is important. With the rise of online meeting tools, it’s easy for your calendar to fill up quickly. Janine Pelosi, CEO of Neat, advises that workers should be able to leave meetings that aren’t relevant to them. If you’re unsure whether a meeting is worth attending, asking for an agenda or understanding the desired outcome can help you make an informed decision about your attendance.
Finally, it’s essential to give yourself a time frame for how much work you can reasonably handle. Lori Perkins, a publisher, used to work 12 to 16 hours a day until a cancer diagnosis forced her to slow down. After her treatment, she realized that she wanted to make time for other aspects of life, so she began limiting her work to 50 hours a week. She also learned to set boundaries by telling authors to come back in three to six months when things were less hectic. Saying no, she says, “changed my life.”
Learning to say no and set boundaries isn’t just about protecting your time; it’s about maintaining your health, well-being, and sense of balance. It’s an ongoing process that gets easier with practice. By recognizing your limits, embracing technology to manage expectations, and choosing your meetings wisely, you can create a healthier, more balanced life.
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